Standard disclaimers apply. Unbetad due to crackness.
“I’ve been thinking about Batman.”
PS, sorry for the friends-locked-ness of my LJ. If you friend me, I'll friend you back. But I've had a bit of RL scariness that has
Toshiko Sato had been walking across the underground base, minding her own business, unbuttoning her knee-length leather coat as she went. Her heels clacked against the cement floor in a steady rhythm, then across the metal grill. She stopped suddenly in front of Owen’s work station. “What are you doing?”
Owen turned in his swivel chair, elbow on the armrest, chin in his hand. “I’ve been thinking about Batman.”
Rolling her eyes, she loosened her scarf. “I thought that was Jack’s job.”
“I don’t fancy a quick shag, if that’s what you’re implying.” Owen sat up straight, pointing a finger at her emphatically. “Actually, I think Jack doesn’t either. At least he won’t if my calculations are correct. I think Batman has a very tiny dick.”
Gwen leaned over one of the rail on the upper tier, a stack of folders in her arms. “He’s been staring at that map all morning. At first, he was so excited, I thought he found the Holy Grail, hiding in the sewers of an American city. But, no. It just turns out that due to street length, width and turning angles, Batman has a small penis.”
Perking up at that, Owen started waving both hands emphatically, gesturing at her and at the map filling the screen, crosshatched all over with streets all close together and at odd intersections. “Yeah, you see, look. This city is far too compact, with too many turns that’re at forty-five degrees or less, to merit a car that can go as fast as the Batman’s car. It’s also longer than is mathematically practical on such narrow streets. He also has more toys and gadgets than…than…US, and he doesn’t even use all of them. He just has them to–to look cool. And the car! Don’t get me started about the car again. Therefore, the Batman is compensating.”
Toshiko walked away, sighing. “We’re sitting in Cardiff, on an active rift in space and time with debris coming through at near-perfect forty-five minute intervals, and what are you worried about? Batman’s penis.”
“Well, I’m tired of getting shit from him and his.”
Turning on her monitor, Tosh turned back around with wide eyes. “And you’re going to do this by mathematically proving to the intelligence community that Batman is…compensating?”
Gwen dumped the folders on her desk, repositioning the stack so that it didn’t topple over, then walked over with her hands on her hips. “Owen, we have a backlog here.”
Jumping to his feet, the medic waved both hands. “You don’t get it, do you! Batman has a small penis! Do you know what this means?”
Taking a hand off of her hips, Gwen clacked a few keys on the keyboard, zooming out on the street display of Gotham City. Just outside the city limits, the dense concentration of streets was gone. The layout was virtually clear of lines going through it. “Or Batman lives in the suburbs.”
“Or Batman lives in the--” Owen stopped, turning around to look at the screen. He started slaming buttons, zooming in and out repeatedly. “No no no no no no no!”
Quietly, Toshiko turned back to her desk, trying to hide her smile.
“Tosh, do you think this is funny?” Owen was about ready to pop a blood vessel. “My world is ending.”
Slinking into her chair, Toshiko bit her lips.
Gwen quietly went over to her friend’s workstation and nudged her shoulder. “Well?”
Tosh’s cheeks were exceptionally rosy red. “Batman doesn’t have a small penis,” she said quietly, then bit down on her lips again, trying not to giggle.
Eyes going wide, Gwen turned around so Owen couldn’t see them as he writhed and moaned in his own private hell. “You didn’t.”
Smoothing out part of her shirt, Toshiko tried to look as innocent as possible. “I’m just saying. Batman has a perfectly nice…penis.”
Gwen turned back to Owen, who was slamming his head against the table.
Both women laughed.
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