A Teaspoon And An Open Mind: A Doctor Who Fan Fiction Archive
Tenth Doctor
To Have And Not To Hold by mtemplar [Reviews - 266] Printer Chapter or Story
Author's Notes:
Thank you everyone for your kind reviews! It's really nice to see them when I'm struggling with a new chapter. I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday and Happy 2008!

Huit: The Sisters have tested their newly reformulated soporific on Rose...

Rose could feel cool fingers smoothing her hair away from her face. She reached out blindly, grasping a hand and holding it against her burning cheek. "Please," she rasped. "So hot."

"Rose, I'm sorry - I didn't know."

"Please don't leave me...." she pleaded, clutching at the Doctor's hand.

"I'm right here, Rose - I'm not going anywhere."

She shifted toward where the Doctor sat on the edge of the bed, and gasped as the bedcovers slipped and cooler air hit her overly sensitive shoulders. "Ohhhhhhh...what's wrong with me?" she groaned.

"She won't remember this at all, will she?"

Rose could hear the Doctor's voice, could feel every point of contact with the soft bedding as it was pulled up over her shoulders again and re-adjusted. Who was he talking to?

"No, she most likely will not. That element of the soporific remains constant."

The voice sounded like the one Rose had heard before - the voice that she couldn't place. It didn't seem very important now, though, as another jolt of heat coursed through her body. Moaning softly, she rubbed her cheek against the Doctor's cool hand, hoping to bring his attention back to herself. "Please help me...."

"I'll get you through this, Rose, I promise." The tone of his voice changed abruptly as he addressed whomever else was in the room. "You...may leave. Now."

"Doctor, the effectiveness of the new formulation needs to be documented...."

"Oh, I think it's quite 'effective'. The safety of it, though, has yet to be determined. Leave us."

"Very well."

Rose heard the soft swishing of robes, then the sounds of a heavy door being pulled open and shut. She rolled toward where she knew the Doctor was still sitting, groaning as a wave of liquid desire washed over her. "Please...."

"Oh Rose, I'm sorry," the Doctor said, gently caressing her burning cheek. "I should have been paying better attention to where we were when we landed. I've really stuck my foot in it this time, haven't I?"

She bit her lip again to stifle a building moan, flinching with the sudden pain that resulted.

"Ah. You're bleeding. Stop that - let me help."

She felt the Doctor move away from her and couldn't help moaning softly at the loss of contact. She could hear a brief ripping of fabric and the clink of glass on metal, and then he was back, pressing a wet cloth against her lower lip.

"There. It's not so bad, just a superficial wound. Should heal up in no time, provided of course that you stop trying to injure yourself."

She knew he was close, could feel his touch as he gently cleaned the traces of blood from her lower lip. She couldn't help herself - she braced herself on trembling arms to push herself up and touch her lips to his....

He didn't respond - didn't kiss her back. Maybe he was worried about further injuring her lip or maybe...

She'd gotten it wrong, obviously. Hot tears pricked at the corners of her eyes as she let herself fall back to the bed, another wave of longing - somewhat bittersweet now - rushing through her body. He was alone, the last of his kind. She couldn't blame him for being lonely. Or for wanting a hand to hold. The tears were coursing freely down Rose's cheeks now and she wished that she'd listened to Sarah Jane....

She heard the Doctor swallow heavily and tried to mentally prepare herself for what she knew was coming. The part where he would let her down gently, where he would tell her again just how fleeting her human life was, and how lonely he'd been before he'd met her. And how sorry he was for anything he'd said or done to make her think there was anything...more...between them. What she wasn't prepared for was the sudden contact of cool fingers with her temples.

She was in the meadow again, fully clothed, a light breeze ghosting over her skin - now surprisingly unheated. She wasn't alone this time, though; the Doctor was there with her, the wind gently ruffling his hair. She glanced at him briefly, taking in the tightness in his jaw and the fists his hands formed at his sides before looking away, dismay flooding through her.

"No, Rose," he said, while she regarded her now trainer-clad feet. "This isn't your fault. Please don't feel embarrassed."

He shifted briefly from foot to foot as Rose looked up to watch him. "I know that you're not going to remember this, what I need to do. You're still suffering the after-effects of the attack on your psyche as well, so I'll try to hurry and not overstay my welcome - here in your mind, that is." He tugged at his earlobe, taking in the scenery around him. "Nice meadow, by the way," he added.

Rose moved forward in the meadow, standing toe-to-toe with the Doctor, who now looked nervous. "You'll save me. You always do. And it's not your fault either - we're in this together, remember?"

"I won't take advantage of you, Rose - I'd never do that," he insisted through clenched teeth. "But I can't just knock you out until the drug clears. Ohica showed me the ingredients for the soporific that they've given you. It will drive you insane unless I, ah, assist you. I should've realized that they'd try something like this, to test it on you - "

"'S ok. Just - just do what you have to and don't worry about me. I'll be all right." Rose could feel her heart shattering even as the words came out of her mouth.

"I'm so sorry, Rose - I'd never hurt you. Please believe me." The Doctor paused, and Rose had to strain to hear him as he continued, his voice low and intense. "You deserve better than this, better than me. I'm not meant to have - or to hold..." Rose swiped at her eyes as his words became barely audible. "...Or to love." With a curt nod, the Doctor's form disappeared from the meadow and Rose was alone. She sank to her knees amongst the wild roses, crying uncontrollably into her hands.

The heat had returned and Rose whimpered with discomfort. She gasped as she felt the Doctor lie down beside her, his pinstripe-suited front pressed to her mostly bare back and side, the contact briefly overwhelming her. He stroked soothingly over her hair and temples as she tried to turn toward him. Then his hand moved lower, ghosting over her abdomen and flank. She groaned loudly as he lightly touched her over her knickers, and Rose pressed back against him as she tried to remember how to breathe. A second, cool hand slid from its previous position of cradling her head to press two fingers to her temple and suddenly she could feel numerous other sensations - the spin of the planet beneath them, the steady hum of the TARDIS, the rapid fluttering of her own heart in her chest. The fingers at her temple shifted, the sensations slowly disappeared and Rose focused again on the slick warmth building between her legs. She began to tense and it seemed that the Doctor knew somehow - knew what she needed, and she felt his long fingers push her knickers aside to press into her core, sliding in and out as she bucked against him. It wasn't long before she felt the building pleasure thrumming through her body and the flare of her climax exploding within her like a thousand stars erupting. She cried out, her hand clutching at his.

As Rose's orgasm faded, she slowly rolled to face him. "Doctor?" she whispered uncertainly as her shaking hands crept up his shoulders to entwine around his neck.

"Shhh," he soothed, bringing his fingertips that had been under Rose's head to her lips. She kissed them and watched as his eyes slowly fluttered shut and his mouth went slack. Snuggling up against his chest, she dropped off to the reassuring sound of a steady, double heartbeat.


Rose awoke feeling warm, sleepy and lethargic. She slowly stretched her arms above her head and realized with embarrassment that she was only wearing her undergarments. Pulling the bedcovers around her, she sat up to find herself in a small chamber on an extremely luxurious bed. A small fireplace was the only source of light, the glowing embers giving out a feeble orange glow. She swung her legs over the side of the bed, frowning at a slight soreness in her lower abdomen. Quickly searching the room, Rose found her clothing neatly folded on a small table by the side of the bed, her shoes nearby on the floor. She had just finished dressing when a small knock sounded at the wooden door, and Lyra entered. Rose gasped - Lyra had visibly aged since she had last seen her. Scattered white hairs stood out from her brown curls, and she could see numerous fine wrinkles on her face.

"Lyra - what happened?" Rose asked, alarmed at the change in Lyra's appearance.

"I am well, Rose Tyler. There is no need for you to concern yourself," Lyra replied, entering the room and shutting the door. "Are you feeling better?"

"What?" Rose was momentarily confused. She felt fine - fantastic, even - but she didn't remember how she had gotten back to the Shrine. In fact, she didn't remember much of anything after she'd run for the safety of the TARDIS....

"Rose? Are you still unwell?" Lyra prodded.

"I - I don't remember how I got here - where's the Doctor? And what's happened to you?"

"I was to be punished for letting you both go free, but thanks to the Doctor, that is no longer the case." Lyra replied, her eyes downcast.

"Lyra, please," Rose begged. "Where is he?"

"He stayed with you for quite some time, after Sister Valna tested the new soporific on you."

"New soporific?" Rose racked her brain trying to recall what had happened but kept coming up blank. "How long ago did he leave?"

"Just a few minutes ago, when you began to stir. After Sister Ohica and Sister Valna made certain that you would fully recover, he left with them."

"Left? But why - " Rose trailed off in her confusion.

"He is submitting to the extraction voluntarily in exchange for our freedom, Rose Tyler. We are not to interfere."

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