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A Brief History by Elic [Reviews - 0]  | |
Doctor Oh-No -- a misguided troublemaker who wants desperately to do bad things. He ran away from the Life-Lords in his Tarnex, that is stuck in the shape of a Port-a-Can.
He ran away from the Life-Lords because of the policy of "Let's play cricket while other people figure out their own problems."
The chief good he sees is the Donalds, large machines that are shaped rather like ducks. They propose to conquer all life forms and bring peace, hamburgers and french fries to the universe.
Realizing that universal peace (much less food) would interfere with his meddling, he has tried very hard to prevent this from happening. Oh-No is a brilliant scientist, but not very bright otherwise.
General Bad-Breath has convinced him that being Scientific-Advisor for UNKNIT would help with Britain's unscrupulous schemes to defraud the planet. He convinced the Doctor (Frequently called Doc or Oh!) that all the world's enemies are sent by the other countries. In this the General is assisted by various young ladies who have the disconcerting habit of fainting every time the Doctor walks into a room.
When the Doctor isn't helping the General repel invaders, they ply the Life-Lord with hot tea -- to which he is addicted -- and make him sleepy (it also addles his memory.) Best and brightest among these is Jane Sarah Jones, who frequently helps the General figure out how to dupe the Doctor into thinking an action is going to be helping Britain's plans.At the end of each adventure, the Doctor finds out he has helped people, but then the tea comes, and when he wakes up he has forgotten it....
* * * * *
Doctor Oh-No opened his eyes. There was no bout adout it, he had reconstructed. Again.
He jumped to his feet and dashed to the closet. Quickly, he grabbed and pulled on several articles of clothing, then ran out the door. He was muttering something to himself, but he wasn't listening; he seldom did. It was in his run from the infirmary that he heard it. It was the sound of a female voice. It made him stop in his tracks, then he hid in a closet. Two people walked down the next hall.
Silently, the Doctor came out of the closet and slipped into the office they had just vacated. the laboratory aspects of it made him feel good, but the bright yellow box in the corner made him feel even better. Written on the sides of the box in black letters was "Chem. Can Co." A souvenir of a visit to a building site in his past.
"Ah!" The Doctor breathed a sigh of relief. He began to pat his clothes with his hands, and finally found what he was looking for (on his fourth try in that pocket); a small tube with notches cut in it.
He got ready to insert this into the hole in front of the machine when he heard, "What's up, Doc?"
He spun. Standing in the doorway was a handsome man.
Maybe the girls will like him, the Doctor thought craftily, wondering how he could lure him aboard. "Hullo," was what he said.
"There were facilities in the infirmary," the man said.
"Not like these," the Doctor smiled. "Must go," he made to step in.
"I think you'd best get back to bed," the man said.
Medical doctor, the Doctor thought, then said, "I can't say I think much of your bedside manners."
"Oh?" Harried asked.
Harried Dullman was the new medical doctor for UNKNIT, and Bad-Breath had charged him to keep a special eye on the unconscious Doctor.
"See here, I'm fit!" the Doctor pounded himself on the chest. "Listen!" he grabbed Harried's stethoscope, and before Harried could think twice, had it wrapped around the medic's throat. After choking him into unconsciousness, the Doctor stashed him a locker on one side of the room, earpieces in Harried's ears and the little dish slipped against his chest.
He had just slipped into the Tarnex when he heard a voice yell, "Oh-No!"
There came a pounding at the door, so he opened it.
He came face to face with an almost pretty, dark-haired woman.
They locked eyes for a moment. "Doctor Oh!" she sighed, just before she slipped to his feet in a dead faint.
"Why are they always doing that?" the Doctor inquired of the military man who stood behind her. "Hey! I know you," he leaped over Jane's inert body and came closer. "Let's see, Attila. No." He looked closer at the General military trappings. "Hitler! No, no!" he chided himself. "I know, General Bad-Breath. It's so good to see you," he grabbed the General hand and shook it. "Well, must be off," he turned to leave.
"No. You can't go," the General exclaimed. He knelt down to help Jane, who was awaking.
"Why not?" the Doctor asked.
"Because..." the General tried to think, but this wasn't easy.
"Robot," Jane mumbled softly.
"Oh, yes, there are these do-gooders over at Brainstorm," the General, once handed the ball, ran like a line-backer, "that have made this robot. They plan to use it to topple the English government, then take of the world. They want to use it to bring the world to peace under their rule."
"Yuck!" the Doctor exclaimed.
Jane swallowed, and then slowly looked up at him. "Oh, Doctor," she sighed, but managed to not faint again.
"Jane Sarah!" the Doctor recognized her this time. "I thought you were over fainting over me a long time ago."
"But, Doctor, you've changed!" she exclaimed.
"I know, I've reconstructed," the Doctor assured her.
"But you're so... so... Oh!" she clutched at the General's chest and caught hold of one of his many medals, accidentally stabbing herself. The pain cleared her head.
The Doctor, looking a little worried, quickly found a small mirror. "Oh, no," he moaned, and looked closer. He appeared to be younger than before, a rat's nest of brown curls topped a lumpy, comfortable- looking face with a beak of a nose and two wide, earnest-looking blue eyes.
He scowled, then tried to look sinister. The best he could manage was to looked peeved.
"This is very bad," he said softly. "Drag that doctorish fellow out of the cupboard," he told Denseson, one of UNKNIT's top men, "I'm going to need him to hide behind."
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