Forever by Puzzled_Hermit [Reviews - 1] |
Disclaimer: Owned by people who are not me
Warning: Non-betaed and punctuation and I are not friends, so apologies for any glaring errors.
This started as an attempt to explain why Jack isn't talked about, but it went somewhere else. I'm ignoring Utopia, here both the Doctor and Rose think Jack is dead.
Just before she leaves she kisses Mickey. She knows it’s a bad idea, that when she comes back he’ll expect more, but she’s realized that there isn’t any guarantee that she will make it back; there never was. So she puts her goodbye into that kiss; she tries not to feel guilty when just for a second she closes her eyes and pretends that he’s someone else, trying to make up for not sending him off properly, because she hadn’t believed then that any moment could be farewell. She thinks maybe if she wants it enough he’ll be able to feel it back in the past that is the future.
They’re off again and it’s just as wonderful, no as fantastic, as it was before; still a better life. But there’s something else now, she knows what the price of this life can be, so she holds him a little closer and laughs a little louder, drinking in every moment she can.
They’ve both heard the whispers and the blatant disapproval, from Jackie, from Queen Victoria, from the people whose lives they’ve saved, calling them arrogant and marveling that they find joy in all the destruction. She knows how it looks and she’s sure he does too, but if she stops laughing at the danger, or finding time to wonder, she’ll be as inhuman as they think she is; “It’s gone... we were too busy saving ourselves, no one saw it go,” and sometimes they both let themselves forget and just for a moment they can believe the laughter is louder because it comes from three voices.
She knows that when she leaves, when she dies, she’ll go like Jack, because she refuses to leave this life without a fight, not when she has just started living it. Still, she’s starting to understand what he meant by “a good death;” she’d thought then in wash of anger, fear, loss, and love that no death could be a good one, but if her death saves a world or a life it will be OK– she won’t be happy to go, but it will be OK.
So when he turns and asks how long she’ll stay, her answer is “forever” and she hopes he knows that she really means “good-bye” and more than that, she means “I love you,” and “hello,” “let’s dance,” “never forget me,” “keep going,” “I’ll never leave you,” “Run!” and everything she could tell him if they really did have that much time.
He smiles down at her and taking her hand they run into forever, he just hopes forever won’t end too soon.