A Teaspoon And An Open Mind: A Doctor Who Fan Fiction Archive
Tenth Doctor
Emergency Backup Plan No. 2 by spastasmagoria [Reviews - 9] Printer
Author's Notes:
“Well,” Jack began with little surprise. “Not really. He is only the stupidest most brilliant man in the universe.”

Standard disclaimers. Unbeta'd. blame goes to jigglykat tho.


The main chamber of the TARDIS echoed with the barely controlled laughs and intermittent hushes. Two companions dashed around the center column, like children about to do something extremely naughty. And in truth…they were.

“How the hell do you fly this thing?” Martha whispered, trying to hold back giggling as she dashed around the console.

Shrugging, Rose pulled a familiar lever as she doubled over. “Recall control. Jack set it up. It’s like memory dial for the TARDIS.”

Martha Jones grinned manically. “We’re going to Cardiff?”

Hands on hips, Rose gave a smug smile, looking down her nose at the Doctor’s other companion. “We are, indeed, going to Cardiff. And we’ll be done and back before the Doctor ever digs his head out of those books and leaves the library. The git.”

Martha did let out a laugh with that. “I know. What a complete and total… man. I made myself scarce for a MONTH after you came back, because I figured you’d hate me, and he wouldn’t want me around. And he’s just… ARGH.”

Nodding knowingly, Rose released the lever and the TARDIS rematerialized with the minimum amount of fuss and jostling. “Alien men are still men.” Grinning she threw a hand toward the TARDIS doors. “And beyond, I give you…Captain Jack.”

Before Martha could rush to the doors, they swung open and the object of their experiment flashed his pearly whites at the two women.

“Rose! I heard you were back!” He held out his arms and she ran into them, feet clacking on the metal grill as she abandoned all attempts as being discrete. If they disturbed his Time-Lordy-ness in the library, well… good for him. She didn’t hope that he’d develop a clue from the experience, but she’d given hope of that up about a year ago after she’d come back to this universe and had taken up traveling with the Doctor again.

He looked over Rose’s still-blonde (if slightly darker) head to the companion he least expected to stick around after the return of Rose Tyler. “Martha.”

She nodded in his direction, red leather jacket clad arms folded over her chest. “Jack.”

He looked around the control room with concern at not seeing the ship’s owner anywhere in sight. “Where’s the Doctor? Is everything alright?”

Leaning against the edge of the console, Martha nodded. “Situation normal with him. We’ve been getting a bit… bored though. Rose thinks you’ll know how to spice things up.”

Jack looked down at Rose, something naughty and licentious twinkling in his blue eyes. “Oh really.”

Smiling, the younger woman met the meaning behind his gaze. “It’s exactly what you’re thinking, you old pirate.”

His cheek tugged upward in a saucy half-smile. “Dirty girl,” he noted with approval. “The Doctor know about this?”

Both women’s eyes turned dark. He wasn’t sure if it was anger or disappointment. Rose was the one who spoke up first though. “Jack, what’re the odds he’d ever put a move on ANYONE? Really?”

He slid out of her embrace and walked up the ramp, looking around the lonely console room in shock coupled with dismay. “But he’s spent two years, pining his little heart out for you!”

Thumbing over her shoulder toward the rest of the ship, Martha smirked. “Yup. And I stepped back as soon as the great and mythical Rose Tyler reappeared, thinking I was no longer needed or wanted, and that he’d finally learn from past regrets and all that good stuff. Do you think he learned anything?”

“Well,” Jack began with little surprise. “Not really. He is only the stupidest most brilliant man in the universe.”

Rose threw her hands up in the air. “EXACTLY! You know, one of his old companions, Ace, met up with us, and we traveled for a while. Then he broke into a mad crush for this blueish ninja warrior with head tentacles and invited her along… Which wouldn’t have been bad, if he’d not just been collecting us like a menagerie of women he happens to be in various states of love with and for, and not actually making a move on anyone. Ace kicked him in the crotch and said to leave her off on the nearest planet with a breathable atmosphere.”

Martha chuckled at the still-vivid and slightly vicariously fulfilling memory. “He asked what that was for, and she said if he didn’t know, she couldn’t explain it to him and stormed out of the TARDIS. He’s lucky she didn’t attach explosives to him and turn him into Time Lord fish-chum.”

Jack rolled his eyes dramatically. “Why am I not surprised? What a complete and total IDIOT. He should realize that anyone coming within fifteen feet of him is instantly going to be in love, and he should at least not lead them on, if he’s not going to do anything about it.”

He held an arm out to Martha though, happy to see her again after all they’d been through together. The woman slid into his waiting half-hug. “And so Rose and I have been, uh, keeping each other company since then. Since we realized he is just genetically incapable of getting a clue.”

The surprise must have been painted on his face, because Rose rushed to elaborate. “Well, we couldn’t stand it any more! That much sexual unfulfillment in one place was causing the TARDIS to get cranky and mad. And Martha’s a lovely girl, really.”

“And Rose is perfectly lovely,” the other woman confirmed. “We really do get along great. And being together certainly does keep us from killing a certain Time Lord out of frustration–cos it really wouldn’t do us any good anyway. He’d just regenerate into something else just as unbearably repressed. But lately we’ve been hoping for something a little more… male. So, Captain Jack…ready to put that ramped innuendo to the test?”

Grinning, he pulled Rose toward him and squeezed both women to his chest. “Ahh yes, ladies…If the Doctor’s being douchy and won’t give it to you, then you’ve come to the right place. Cos as a former Time Agent, I have enough Time Cock to go around for everybody.”

THE END.
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