A Teaspoon And An Open Mind: A Doctor Who Fan Fiction Archive
Ninth Doctor
Hot Buttered... by spastasmagoria [Reviews - 6] Printer
Author's Notes:
Its HOT, Jack reaffirmed, trying to grab the binoculars back. Its so hot I almost creamed my pants.

Standard disclaimers. Unbeta'd, so sorry to my beta, whom I love oodles of noodles.


Wiping a hand over his mouth, Jack breathed slowly, taking controlled, shallow breaths. He shifted ever so slightly on the ground, his elbows digging into the rise of the soft, wet earth. “That’s hot. That’s… sexy, hot….mmm. Hot buttered cum.”

A heavy hand slapped Jack’s arm. “Give me those.” The Doctor waved his hand anxiously when Jack made no move to hand over his toy. “Binoculars, now.”

Sighing with regret, Jack handed ‘em over. “But it’s… hot.”

“Yes, whatever it is, it’s hot. Thank you for that.” The Doctor put the digital binoculars to his eyes, trying to see what had gotten Jack so excited. “Jack–that’s not hot.”

“It’s HOT,” Jack reaffirmed, trying to grab the binoculars back. “It’s so hot I almost creamed my pants.”

The Doctor’s hand connected with the back of his head. “That isn’t hot, Jack. That’s Bessy.”

Rubbing the back of his head, Jack licked his lips. “Really? She looks more like a Veronica than a Betty to me…”

Without hesitation, the Doctor smacked him again. “BESSY. My CAR.”

Rolling onto his side, Jack eyed the Doctor critically. “We’re on a secret military base to break your CAR out of the compound?” He shook his head. “God, and I thought I was sick. Still. She’s hot. And yellow. Yellow’s hot. I can see why we’re saving her from ‘certain death’ as you put it. I guess the junk heap is certain death-y enough for a hot little bird like her...”

Getting to his feet, the Doctor sighed in pained frustration, waiting for Jack to follow. “Jack, if I catch you molesting my car, I will kill you with my bare hands.”

Jack’s cheek twitched as he follow the Doctor. “No, I’ll never stand in the way of a man and his classic automobile. But you gotta know… that thing’s a hot piece of a--”

His yap shut immediately when he caught the look the Doctor was giving him.

“What I mean is, she’s a lovely vehicle.”

THE END.
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