You Spin Me Round
a Doctor Who Songfic/Music video type thingy
by Astrid Giese-Zimmer
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(Scene: The Rani’s bathhouse. The Master has just entered)

Master: No welcome?

Rani: You’re not. (takes off mask)

Master: Ooh, fascinating. But then again anything related to you would be fascinating, my dear Rani.

Rani: I thought that last mad scheme would have finished you for good.

Master: You jest of course, I’m indestructible, the whole universe knows that!

Rani: is that so?

(music starts playing in the background, the Rani looks round for the source of the music. The lighting turns red)

Master: (over the music) Really my dear Rani, you and I should be friends.

Rani: I want nothing to do with you!

Master: (raises eyebrow) Oh, really..? (the music starts full blast, and many coloured lights dance around the room. The Master starts shaking his hips to the music, and singing)
If I, I get to know your name (dances over to The Rani, she rolls her eyes)
Well if I could trace your private number, baby
All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your lovin' arms
I want some (grabs The Rani’s hand and pulls her closer to him, she struggles to get free until he looks into her eyes)
Well I, I set my sights on you...

The Rani’s Guards (Josh & Tom): (singing) And no one else will do...

(The Rani stares at her guards in disbelief)

Master: (singing) And I, I've got to have my way now, baby (wraps his arms around the Rani)
All I know is that to me
You look like you're having fun
Open up your lovin' arms
Watch out here I come
(She pushes him away and he goes spinning out of the room)
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
(She dusts off her hands, thinking she’s finally gotten rid of him, but then he comes back into the room, this time with the Pete Burns trademark big hair and eye patch)
If I, I got to be your friend now, baby (slowly moves towards The Rani, she turns away from him)
And I would like to move in just a little bit closer (standing behind her, he runs his hands along the sides of her body, slowly)
All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun (turns her around to face him)
Open up your lovin' arms
Watch out, here I come
(Something inside the Rani snaps, and she starts shaking her hips to the music too. The Master and The Rani are swept into a tango, spinning each other around like there’s no tomorrow)
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
You spin me right round, baby
Right round like a record, baby
Right round round round
I want your love...
I want your love...
(they stop dancing and the Master looks into her eyes)
All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your lovin' arms
Watch out, here I come
(he pulls the Rani close and they kiss, passionately. Josh and Tom continue singing the chorus, waving large flags. The music fades out, everything fades back to normal; the lighting is normal, and The Master’s appearance is his usual. He and the Rani are still kissing)

John Nathan-Turner: Anthony! Cut that out right now!

Master: (looks over from the Rani) Push off. (shrinks JNT with his TCE and continues snogging the Rani)

The End

Oi, I know what you’re thinking. Yes, silly setup, and maybe the song should have been “She Blinded Me With Science”, but this is my favorite song, and it does remind me of The Master’s relationship with the Rani (and weren’t they spinning around in the Rani’s TARDIS near the end?). Anyway, I hope you enjoyed reading that as much as I enjoyed writing it (which was a lot).

Doctor Who: Owned by the BBC, not me. We can all be thankful for that.

"You Spin Me Round (Like a Record)"
Written by Pete Jozzepi Burns, Stephen Coy, Timothy John Lever and Michael David Percy

Dedicated to the memory of Anthony Ainley
1932-2004
“I’m indestructible, the whole universe knows that!”